Your Stupid Minds

Your Stupid Minds finishes out the Neil Breen oeuvre with 2015/2016’s Pass Thru, brought to you by a purchased $30 standard def DVD from the Breenster himself!

Falling into Breen’s “foreign being committing mass murder for the sake of humanity” genre, Pass Thru is about a time-traveling alien named “Tghil” (named after a yogurt container) who embodies the corporeal form of a heroin-addicted loser to bring benevolent genocide to the world. He befriends a multicultural aunt/niece combo to take on the corrupt politicians, hypocritical media, and greedy CEOs while a group of tenacious young astronomers try to seek him out.

Direct download: YourStupidMinds_115_PassThru.mp3
Category:film -- posted at: 3:25pm CST

Merry Christmas from Your Stupid Minds! We celebrate the holiday with a middling shelved Hungarian/UK adaptation of Tchaikovsky’s classic, with 2010’s The Nutcracker in 3D! Starring a young Elle Fanning as Mary, John Turturro as The Rat King, and Nathan Lane as Uncle Albert Einstein (yes this actually happened in the movie).

When Uncle Albert brings over a Nutcracker and dollhouse for his niece Mary and hellish toy-destroying Nephew Max (Aaron Michael Drozin), the Nutcracker comes to life, along with the dolls inside the house! Mary travels to a dream world full of Nazi-horrors, as the fascist Rat King has taken over the Nutcracker’s kingdom and genocided all the toys. It’s up to Mary, the Nutcracker, a harlequin clown, a chimp man, and a Rastafarian drummer boy to save the day. Also Sigmund Freud is briefly in the movie.

Direct download: YourStupidMinds_114_Nutcracker3D.mp3
Category:film -- posted at: 2:15pm CST

Your Stupid Minds takes a detour off the well-traveled roads of bad movies to seek out William McGaha, a writer, director, producer, and star of three very cheap films in the 1960s and 70s. Fresh off Nudie-Cutie Bad Girls for the Boys and Stock-car racing+gangsters project The Speed Lovers, McGaha's third and final passion project is J.C., a 1972 biker movie about a religious fanatic and Jesus-allegory biker who basically just mooches off everyone.

After construction worker J.C. and his cohort are yelled at for smoking during a lunch break, J.C. quits and gets high in his tighty-whities while his former social worker girlfriend runs errands and is a functional adult. J.C. has a vision of a big eye or something and that night at a campfire rouses his biker pals to drive cross-country to his hometown for.... reasons. The bikers immediately upset the local populace, not (only) because they are rude and smell bad, but because they have brought their black friends. Will J.C. and his crew run afoul of Sheriff Caldwell (Slim Pickens, somehow in this movie)? ....Yes.

Direct download: YourStupidMinds_113_JC.mp3
Category:film -- posted at: 8:49pm CST

Your Stupid Minds goes back to its roots (once again) with the first foray into Hollywood(ish) by former football washout Brian “The Boz” Bosworth: 1991’s Stone Cold! The Boz plays undercover cop Joe Huff (under the alter ego John Stone) to infiltrate a murderous, terroristic biker group led by Chains Cooper (Lance Henriksen).

After some mild blackmail from the FBI, Huff/Stone goes undercover to bring a violent Mississippi biker gang down. After feeding his pet lizard (maybe a Komodo Dragon?), he heads off to The South’s Warmest Welcome to meet Chains, second-in-command Ice (William Forsythe), old lady Nancy (Arabella Holzbog), and token wuss Gut (Evan James) to bring down their drug dealing and general violence. Stone gets in deep when he gets feelings for Nancy, and makes up some elaborate drug buy with a limitless supply of FBI drugs.

Can Stone bring the gang down before their terroristic plans from to fruition? Will he get home in time to feed his lizard? Will Gut get the confidence he so sorely needs? Listen to find out!

Direct download: YourStupidMinds_112_StoneCold.mp3
Category:film -- posted at: 9:43pm CST

Your Stupid Minds returns to its Episode One roots and tricks you once again into think we’ve reviewed a Marvel movie that hasn’t come out yet. But alas, this isn’t the Benestrange Cumberdoc version you’re thinking, but rather a 1978 made for TV movie extended pilot made for CBS (and was never picked up).

The Nameless One, a demon puppet from the nether region, commands his subject Morgan LeFay (played by Arrested Development’s Jessica Walter) to kill the wizard Lindmer (John Mills) and/or his more powerful successor Dr. Strange (Peter Hooten). Fortunately for her, Strange doesn’t know the depths of his mystical powers, and spends his time picking up mentally unstable woman as a psychologist at a New York hospital. Despite the three day countdown to sudden death, Lindmer and his assistant Wong (Clyde Kusatsu) take their sweet time recruiting Strange.

Will Dr. Strange discover his special powers? Will he pick up a troubled psychology student half his age (Anne-Marie Martin)? Could 2016’s Doctor Strange possibly live up to this masterpiece? There’s only one way to find out!

Direct download: YourStupidMinds_111_DrStrange.mp3
Category:film -- posted at: 9:18pm CST

Your Stupid Minds delves into October with what you might expect: a 1980s horror sequel! Tom Skerritt (Picket Fences), Nancy Allen (RoboCop), Heather O’Rourke (Poltergeist), and Lara Flynn Boyle (Twin Peaks) star in this far-beyond-its-prime sequel, Poltergeist III!

Carol Anne (O’Rourke) from the previous Poltergeist movies now lives with her aunt (Allen) and step-uncle (Skerritt) in a high-rise building in Chicago. She attends a school for weirdoes because of her previous ghost experiences, and after her cousin Donna’s (Boyle) night of teenage debauchery, she’s kidnapped by ghosts. Her aunt and uncle try desperately to rescue her with the help from Tangina (Zelda Rubinstein, returning from the first movie) and the film jumps haphazardly from mirror-induced jump scare to jump scare.

Direct download: YourStupidMinds_110_PoltergeistIII.mp3
Category:film -- posted at: 9:11pm CST

Your Stupid Minds returns to two of its most favorite loves: buff dudes and Golan-Globus films. It’s 1983’s Hercules starring The Incredible Hulk’s Lou Ferrigno! Director Luigi Cozzi (hiding his intense Italianness behind the pseudonym Lewis Coates) brings Hercules to the big screen for the 80th and definitely not last time.

When the gods are hanging out on the moon and incredibly bored, Zeus (Claudio Cassinelli) decides to give a random baby super buff powers. Hera (Rossana Podestà) takes exception but Zeus never listens to her so who cares? Hercules’s parents are killed in a successful coup, but baby Herc escapes and is raised by a nice infertile farming couple.

Tragedy causes him to travel to Thebes to fight against other buff dudes, and he must team up with Circe (Mirella D’Angelo) in order to rescue his true love Cassiopeia (Ingrid Anderson) and battle against the evil King Minos (William Berger) and Adriana (Sybil Danning). That’s a lot of names so let’s just leave it at that.

Direct download: YourStupidMinds_109_Hercules.mp3
Category:film -- posted at: 7:39pm CST

YSM returns to the erotic thriller genre with the 2015 classic The Boy Next Door! Claire Peterson (Jennifer Lopez, in her third appearance on the podcast), is a pathetic high school classics teacher with a broken garage door and a cheating ex-husband when a buff-armed 28-year-old "boy" Noah (Ryan Guzman, apparently playing a 19-year-old) moves in next door. The two bond over their mutual love of the Iliad and he fixes both her car and garage door. They then engage in a night of "passion" after Noah refuses to take no for an answer. Then Noah is revealed to be a sociopath who is willing to murder Claire's ex-husband (John Corbett) and mid-level high school administrators (Kristin Chenoweth) if it means "winning" Claire back.

Direct download: YourStupidMinds_108_TheBoyNextDoor.mp3
Category:film -- posted at: 8:59pm CST

Your Stupid Minds goes back to basics with your standard sci-fi sexy police robot thriller. It’s 1994’s T-Force starring Jack Scalia, Erin Gray, and Vernon Wells. This is brought to you partially by Cinema Terriblé, Austin Texas’s premier bad movie meet up. T-Force was part of a recent double feature at the monthly get together and was a smash hit.

T-Force, a team of autonomous robots called “Cybernauts,” is brought in to break up a Die Hard style hostage situation. The team is made up of leader Adam (Evan Lurie), Captain America type Cain (Bobby Johnston), lady robot Mandragora (Jennifer MacDonald), American Gladiator Zeus (Deron McBee), and another one who dies.

Adam callously murders numerous hostages in the process and Mayor Pendleton (Gray) orders the team deactivated. This results in T-Force’s murderous killing spree in the name of self preservation. Cain doesn’t go along with Adam’s dastardly plan and teams up with Lt. Jack Floyd (Scalia) to stop them.

Direct download: YourStupidMinds_107_T-Force.mp3
Category:film -- posted at: 1:36pm CST

It’s a special guest episode of Your Stupid Minds featuring Kaitlyn “Nick’s Sister” Nobel, a devoted fan of the podcast and resident Toyota Previa expert. Kaitlyn’s pick this time around is for a 1996 movie starring Tom Arnold, David Paymer, and Rhea Perlman: Carpool! Out a few years after Tom Arnold’s massive alimony payout from Rosanne, as well as his modicum of success in True Lies, Arnold decided to squander his career by starring in a bunch of crappy movies.

Daniel Miller (Paymer) has a big advertising presentation, but his wife is sick! This means he must take charge of the carpool and get his wiener kids (as well as some other neighbor wiener kids, including an extremely young, bronzed Rachael Leigh Cook) to school. Things take a turn for the worst when he’s kidnapped by bumbling robber Franklin (Arnold) on the run from an army of incompetent law enforcement agents. Their journey takes them to a hair salon, parking garage, and inside a local mall! Can Detective Erdman (Kim Coates) and meter maid Martha (Perlman) stop the robber in time? Can we somehow get Tom Arnold in drag? Will the kids visit a creepy Joker-like indoor carnival? Listen to find out!

Direct download: YourStupidMinds_106_Carpool.mp3
Category:film -- posted at: 3:02pm CST