Your Stupid Minds

YSM returns to the erotic thriller genre with the 2015 classic The Boy Next Door! Claire Peterson (Jennifer Lopez, in her third appearance on the podcast), is a pathetic high school classics teacher with a broken garage door and a cheating ex-husband when a buff-armed 28-year-old "boy" Noah (Ryan Guzman, apparently playing a 19-year-old) moves in next door. The two bond over their mutual love of the Iliad and he fixes both her car and garage door. They then engage in a night of "passion" after Noah refuses to take no for an answer. Then Noah is revealed to be a sociopath who is willing to murder Claire's ex-husband (John Corbett) and mid-level high school administrators (Kristin Chenoweth) if it means "winning" Claire back.

Direct download: YourStupidMinds_108_TheBoyNextDoor.mp3
Category:film -- posted at: 8:59pm CDT

Your Stupid Minds goes back to basics with your standard sci-fi sexy police robot thriller. It’s 1994’s T-Force starring Jack Scalia, Erin Gray, and Vernon Wells. This is brought to you partially by Cinema Terriblé, Austin Texas’s premier bad movie meet up. T-Force was part of a recent double feature at the monthly get together and was a smash hit.

T-Force, a team of autonomous robots called “Cybernauts,” is brought in to break up a Die Hard style hostage situation. The team is made up of leader Adam (Evan Lurie), Captain America type Cain (Bobby Johnston), lady robot Mandragora (Jennifer MacDonald), American Gladiator Zeus (Deron McBee), and another one who dies.

Adam callously murders numerous hostages in the process and Mayor Pendleton (Gray) orders the team deactivated. This results in T-Force’s murderous killing spree in the name of self preservation. Cain doesn’t go along with Adam’s dastardly plan and teams up with Lt. Jack Floyd (Scalia) to stop them.

Direct download: YourStupidMinds_107_T-Force.mp3
Category:film -- posted at: 1:36pm CDT

It’s a special guest episode of Your Stupid Minds featuring Kaitlyn “Nick’s Sister” Nobel, a devoted fan of the podcast and resident Toyota Previa expert. Kaitlyn’s pick this time around is for a 1996 movie starring Tom Arnold, David Paymer, and Rhea Perlman: Carpool! Out a few years after Tom Arnold’s massive alimony payout from Rosanne, as well as his modicum of success in True Lies, Arnold decided to squander his career by starring in a bunch of crappy movies.

Daniel Miller (Paymer) has a big advertising presentation, but his wife is sick! This means he must take charge of the carpool and get his wiener kids (as well as some other neighbor wiener kids, including an extremely young, bronzed Rachael Leigh Cook) to school. Things take a turn for the worst when he’s kidnapped by bumbling robber Franklin (Arnold) on the run from an army of incompetent law enforcement agents. Their journey takes them to a hair salon, parking garage, and inside a local mall! Can Detective Erdman (Kim Coates) and meter maid Martha (Perlman) stop the robber in time? Can we somehow get Tom Arnold in drag? Will the kids visit a creepy Joker-like indoor carnival? Listen to find out!

Direct download: YourStupidMinds_106_Carpool.mp3
Category:film -- posted at: 3:02pm CDT

This is it, the big finale of our "great directors making horrible films" summer concludes with Walter Hill (credited as Thomas Lee)'s Supernova! Nick Vanzant (James Spader) is a newcomer to the crew of the Nightingale 229, a medical ship populated by actors on their way to television superstardom (in a decade). Nick and Dr. Evers (Angela Bassett) hate each other but then love each other, but a rescue mission turns into a total rip-off of It! the Terror From Beyond Space, when they save Troy, the son of Angela Bassett's old no-goodnik flame Karl (Peter Facinelli). "Troy" turns out to be a web of smug lies smuggling proof of alien life, a Georgia O'Keeffe-like contraption that seems to have strange side effects like increasing T-count and turning people evil, on board the Nightingale. Will sexy James Spader and Angela Bassett be able to jettison the space-scum before it's too late?

Direct download: YourStupidMinds_105_Supernova.mp3
Category:film -- posted at: 9:43pm CDT

Your Stupid Minds continues its "great directors making terrible films" series with Richard Donner and Richard Pryor's unfortunate The Toy! Down on his luck Jack Brown (Pryor) is a reporter who can't get hired by the one newspaper in town because it's owned by a racist multi-millionaire (Jackie Gleason). After getting fired by Gleason after attempting to work as a "cleaning lady," Pryor does a physical comedy routine while listening to headphones, only to be inadvertently "purchased" by Eric "Master" Bates, Gleason's bratty son. What follows is a series of loosely connected vignettes tied together by Pryor alternately humiliating himself and getting upset at being humiliated by others like some sort of live-action Daffy Duck.

Direct download: YourStupidMinds_104_TheToy.mp3
Category:film -- posted at: 6:00am CDT

Continuing our loose theme of Not-So-Good Movies by Great Directors, we have 1981’s sequel to the Roger Corman classic Piranha. It’s Piranha Part Two: The Spawning! Or Piranha II: The Spawning. Or The Spawning. Or Piranha 2. Or Piranha II: Flying Killers. “Directed” by James Cameron! In actuality, Cameron was brought in as a patsy and quickly fired so writer and producer Ovidio G. Assonitis could finish the project himself.

Anne Kimbrough (Tricia O’Neil) is a scuba instructor and marine biologist drop-out who teaches tourists how to deep dive at Hotel Elysium, a resort on an unnamed Caribbean island that is, for all intents and purposes, Jamaica. Her estranged husband Steve (Aliens’s Lance Henricksen) is on her case about all sorts of things, particularly the mangled corpse of a tourist found during one of her classes. Her breaking into the morgue to examine the body with new beau Tyler (Steve Marachuk) doesn’t help things either. The culprit is a school of homicidal genetically spliced flying piranhas, and everyone must find a way to stop them before the titular “spawning,” and event in which tourists get drunk and beat mating grunion to death on the beach.

Direct download: YourStupidMinds_103_Piranha2.mp3
Category:film -- posted at: 7:11pm CDT

You demanded it and we delivered! Actually, no one requested this movie, and we may catch some flak for reviewing it. Francis Ford Coppola slums it in the cash grab maudlin 90s with 1996’s Jack! Robin Williams (also slumming it) plays Jack, a ten year old boy with a fictional medical condition that causes him to age at four times the normal rate. This gives Williams ample opportunity to utilize his deadpan imitation of a five year old boy. But just in case you thought this movie was funny, it frequently vacillates from goofy romp to melancholy reflection on mortality more quickly than an episode of M*A*S*H. Also starring Jennifer Lopez, Bill Cosby, Diane Lane, and Fran Drescher.

Direct download: YourStupidMinds_102_Jack.mp3
Category:film -- posted at: 8:01pm CDT

Your Stupid Minds finally covers one of the A-listers in the schlock movie pantheon: Andy Sidaris’s Hard Ticket to Hawaii. Sidaris was a sports director who decided to jump over to 1980s sexploitation flicks. With muse and former Playmate of the Month Dona Speir, he went on a quest to create the most bonkers action films of the decade.

Donna (Spier) and Taryn (Hope Marie Carlton) are buxom drug agents who stumble on an RC helicopter-based diamond smuggling drug ring. They elicit the help of boyfriend agent Rowdy (Ronn Moss) and Jade (South Florida kickboxing superstar Harold Diamond) to rescue their friend and blow up as many things as possible. There’s also a contaminated killer snake, several deaths by Bazooka, a zany handstand skateboarding assassin, and a spiked death frisbee.

Direct download: YourStupidMinds_101_HardTicketToHawaii.mp3
Category:film -- posted at: 7:25pm CDT

It's Your Stupid Minds' Bonus 100th Episode Clip Spectacular! Featuring some of our (and your) favorite moments from the last 100 episodes. Don't expect a breakdown of each clip because we don't want to right now! We hope you enjoy this compilation of what we think our our best bits, skits, discussions, and songs from the last four years. See you at again after episode 200!

Direct download: YourStupidMinds_100thEpisodeBonusSpectacular_B.mp3
Category:film -- posted at: 10:12pm CDT

Your Stupid Minds celebrates its 100th episode by filling out Neil Breen’s current oeuvre. Before the imminent wide release of his most recent film Pass Thru (which we wanted to watch but is not reasonably available in the state of Texas), we reviewed Neil’s first feature film, 2005’s Double Down!

Neil Breen is war hero and elite hacker terrorist inventor Aaron Brand (who will forever be referred to as Neil Breen). Breen is a mercenary working for American and foreign government agents on counterterrorism while also being a terrorist himself! His change of heart comes after his bride to be Megan (Laura Hale) is accidentally murdered during the couple’s nude pool engagement.

Breen goes further off the deep end (pool humor) and creates a freelance mercenary business out of his late 80s Mercedes; inventing an invisibility cloak and hacking murder shield to help it along. While working for all governments and terrorism sects, he also has terroristic traps set up all around the world (but primarily in Breen’s director’s trademark city of Las Vegas).

Will he have a change of heart? Will he avenge Megan with his insane crimes against humanity? Will he save some little girl who has brain cancer? Will his dead parents explain what heaven is like? Did Neil Breen acquire his early 90s stock footage from a Harrah’s dumpster? Find out in this special episode!

Direct download: YourStupidMinds_100_DoubleDown.mp3
Category:film -- posted at: 5:09pm CDT