M. Night Shyamalan writes and directs this adaptation of the popular Nickelodean show. It has the same skilled writing and energized fight scenes as the show except not at all. It's actually a stilted rushed mess that muddies up the quality of the source material, laden with lazy exposition and non-sensical character mood swings. And everyone mispronounces their own names. Starring the kid from Slumdog Millionaire and no one else.

The dour looking woman from Men in Black and Dogma (Linda Fiorentino) and David Caruso (YEEEAAAAHHHHHHH!!!) star in this Joe Eszterhas-penned William Friedkin directed erotic thriller about a detective Assistant District Attorney investigating his ex-girlfriend as a possible murderer. Aside being very well shot, and some really awesome car chases, this leaves something to be desired. The ending is also especially infuriating.

Take a ride with Chris and Nick through the streets of Tokyo as 30 year old teenager Sean (Lucas Black) learns the ins and outs of balding his tires with ruthless efficiency in The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift. Bow Wow appears as a normal teenager who deals not drugs and Sonny Chiba classes up this movie about ten fold.

Get ready for some ancient Roman sword and sandal fun! Except for, of course, the 25 minute rape torture dungeon lull in the third act. It's Roger Cormon's Red Sonja ripoff Barbarian Queen! Starring Phil Spector's murder victim (Lana Clarkson), the Queen embarks on an ill-conceived mission to avenge her village's destruction and rescue her hunky fiance Argan.

Journey with us, gentle listener, as we go back to a simpler time. A more wholesome time. A time before Hollywood had put the Hays Code into force. A time when America looked for a hero to create jobs, put an end to gangsterism, and finally shut down Congress once and for all! In 1933 MGM gave us such a hero in Gabriel Over the White House, the stirring story of a man getting hit on the head and hearing angelic voices that tell him to heroically bully his way into becoming a benevolent dictator.

A surprising number of good comedic actors star in this big budget squeakeuel. Alvin and the gang send Dave (Jason Lee) to the hospital with what I assume is an irreversible spinal injury, so they go off to high school to complete in some charity concert. Meanwhile their conniving former manager Ian (David Cross) uses his new act the Chipettes, a demographically equal female version of the Chipmunks, to sabotage the brothers by singing "Single Ladies" twelve times in a row. Also there's a football game and I think they pilot an RC helicopter.

Kristin Kreuk and Chris Klein star in this kind of sequel to 1994's Street Fighter. When Chun-Li is given a mysterious scroll, she engages in her own hero's journey to find out if her father is still alive. Or is it defeat Bison? Or clean up the slums of Bangkok? Meanwhile Chris Klein squints his way through his role as an Interpol agent hot on her heels. Or Bison's. Also everyone knows magic.

Molly Ringwald and Ernie Hudson (a.k.a. the black Ghostbuster) star in 1983's 3D Star Wars ripoff bonanza, about a Han Solo type (Peter Strauss) who travels to a desert planet to save some hot earth women from the lecherous Overdog (Michael Ironside). What is absent is a significant amount of hunting in space, and we're not entirely sure how forbidden this zone is. Produced by Ivan Reitman and part of the resurgence of crappy 3D movies in the early 80s with incredibly long names.

The movie that made Elizabeth Berkley into a household name and paid Joe Eszterhas three million dollars, Showgirls is a "camp classic," according to its own DVD box cover blurb. What can we say about Showgirls that hasn't already been said? A positive Slant article almost ten years after release called it "essential" and "an honest satire" while Ebert said it was "not quite unredeemably bad," and "less perverse than Basic Instinct" (which featured the same writer and director).

Charles Bronson plays Batman with a gun in Michael Winner's third installment of the five-part movie series about elderly architect turned vigilante Paul Kersey, who returns to New York to wage war on a 1980s gang of reverse mohawked punks who use overwhelming numbers and unlimited resources to hassle poor old people in an inner-city neighborhood.